Joke thread

[Ross]

did your daughter tell you that one ross? rofl

Ummm...no, I told her...

[Bethany]

Ummm...no, I told her...

And shouldn't surprise you that it didn't get any thanks

Ross is gonna me for that!

[Janos]

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Wow, can I thank that like... oh... 6000x?

[Ross]

And shouldn't surprise you that it didn't get any thanks

Ross is gonna me for that!

Hey...I at least laughed at it...

[Brian]

thanks ross

[Harmonic]

PERTH - An SAS trooper collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in east Perth.


The 'Toys-R-Us' Store Manager told 'The West Australian' that man was seen on surveillance cameras last Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the store.

When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran toward the door.

Outside were four SAS Troopers collecting toys for the "Toys For Tots" program.

The store Manager said the Troopers stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, in the back with 10" carving knife. Fortunately, the cut did not appear to be severe and required only a band aid.

The suspect was transported by ambulance to the Royal Perth Hospital with two broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted lacerations including a broken nose and jaw...

Injuries he apparently sustained when he tripped whilst trying to run after the stabbing.

THE CLUMSY BA**ARD !

[Harmonic]

A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times . . .

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned
over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to
get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking
driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of
me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my
fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Bethany]

LOL, that's hilarious!!!!!!

[HURRITT ENYETO]

This is a true life email exchange.

David Thorne didn't have the $233.95 to pay an overdue account. So what did he do? What any other budding young genius would do, he submitted a picture of a spider he drew instead. Unfortunately, Jane Gilles, who is clearly a mega-bitch to the nth degree, wouldn't accept it. So what happened next? I'll give you a hint: time travel! And also, David's account not getting paid.

[Northern Boy]

LOL, I love golf jokes.

: You must have watched a video of your swing

[Northern Boy]

Kevin Wilson remember its a joke so don`t take offense

[Bethany]

: You must have watched a video of your swing

(seriously gonna get you )

[Harmonic]

Hi Northern boy,
My son who is a musician..has most of Kevin B wilson's..stuff..
Can't say C in Canada..was the first one i was exposed to..off youtube...LOL!

[Northern Boy]

Ya i`d post it but some would get offended but that word................. another great Comedy duo are from Canada Maclean and Maclean

[Peta Babkama Luruba Anaku]

I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas...

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

[Icecold]

From a lady:

In my husband's work for a cable-television company, he encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the tv was located, and then walked out to get the mail.

As my husband approached the tv, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom."

[Northern Boy]

been there done that they make more then enough off what they charge and are always looking for angles to increase it

[Witchy]

A women in church whispers to her husband "I just did a silent fart, what should I do" he replies

"put new batteries in your hearing aid"

[Witchy]

Went into the kitchen this morning and found the wife face down not breathing. I panicked! Didn't know what to do!!!!!!

Then I remembered Mcdonalds do breakky till 10.30

[Witchy]

I've may have just lowered the tone of this thread


Paddy was in the pub telling his mates about his time in the army and his first parachute jump. Paddy describes...

We were about 5000 feet up, then 1 by 1 they started to jump. When it was my turn I couldn't jump - no way!!!!
Then this huge guy pulled out his 12in c*** and cried out..........Paddy if you dont f*c*en jump I'll stick this baby rite up your ar*e

Paddy's mate asked, Well Paddy did you jump?

.....just a bit when it first went in

[Harmonic]

http://www.wimp.com/sheeplight/



Just had to forward this onto EWE all..

[Harmonic]

Q: How many animals can you fit into a
pair of tights? Now, think about it...





Ready? scroll down, you'll love this..........








answer:








10 little piggies,


2 calves,



1 ass,


an unknown number of hares,




A nd of course one (1) . . ..



Come on, you know you're laughing!
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.

[Icecold]

How are women like snowflakes?

They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can all be cold as ice.
And they all melt when they land on your face.

[Myxm15]

This isnt really a joke, but this has had me laughing for months.

I was watching a episode of Bear Grylls show Man vs Wild with my cousin Jonathan.
The episode that he was in Vietnam.
Bear found a leach on himself, freaked out, pulled his pants down and said he had to check his "Jonathan Thomas"

Well Thomas is my cousins middle name lol

True story

[Vajdan]

I made this scenario up January 18th of this year, enjoy everyone!

Boy: Daddy what did God make plants for?
Father: Well, son, God made plants for mankind to have food, medicine, fibers for clothing and craft-weaving, shelter and security, and to give us air to breathe in a mutually symbiotic relationship.
Boy: Oh, I see... Daddy?
Father: Yes, son?
Boy: What did God make animals for?
Father: Well, son, God made animals for mankind to have food, leather and fats for tools and other utilitarian purposes that plants can't withstand, warm winter clothes from wool and fur, a helping hand - or paw, or hoof - with daily work, protection from aggressive enemies and pests (by our friends with fangs, anyway), and loyal companionship in a mutually beneficial relationship.
Boy: Oh, I see... Daddy?
Father: Yes, son.
Boy: What did God make girls for?
Father: ...
Boy: ...
Father: ... Well, son, since God already gave mankind mutually symbiotic and beneficial relationships with plants and animals, he had to balance the equation somehow.